To Alia
by Latinpro
Summary: A Master mourns the death of his Padawan


Disclaimer: SW, as well as the Jedi and Padawans mentioned belong to GL, however much I wish I could take the credit for them. "Ghost Story" belongs to Sting, but Master Elis Toren and his Padawans Alia Brey and Tristis Jentri all belong to me.

To Alia 

I watch the western sky

The sun is sinking__

Why did I let you go? I should have known that you weren't up to the responsibility of a mission alone without becoming a Knight first.

The geese are flying south

It sets me thinking

My Padawan...gone. Dead, like that. Killed by assassins hired by some political manuverist. The memorial is tonight, after seven weeks. People will tell me it's not my fault, that you were just in the wrong place at the wrong time.

I did not miss you much

I did not suffer

I know all the details; I felt your last moments of conscience. I want to avenge you, my friend. You'd tell me no.

What did not kill me

Just made me tougher

You were not reckless as some people claim. Your alleged death is on my conscience. I alone consented for you. The memories return.

I feel the winter come

His icy sinews,

Now in the firelight

The case continues

"Are you sure you can make it alone out there? That civil war is about to start."

"I can make it, Master," you told me. "I'll be back home in time for the next Council meeting." No, my Padawan, you won't.

Another night in court

The same old trial

The same old questions asked

The same denial

"You know that all of us felt Alia pass. You must accept it, Elis. You should get a new Padawan. There are literally dozens of Force-sensitive children waiting for a master."

"And pretend I'm replacing Alia? No. She meant something to me."__

The shadows close me round

Like jury members

I look for answers in

The fire's embers

"Elis, since Alia is gone, the Council has decreed that you will receive a new Padawan. Master Yoda felt her die, I felt her pass, Ki-Adi, Yaddle.... all of us. Come on, I'll walk with you."

"No! How many times do I have to tell you? I'm in no state of mind to look after another!"__

Why was I missing then

That whole December?

I give my usual lie,

I don't remember

"Elis, now that you've found a Padawan, this boy, you must train him. Will you?"

"Yes," I mumbled.

"He will be an excellent Jedi under your tutelage." I don't answer. I'm glad the boy isn't here right now. I can't look him in the eyes, possibly never be able to.

Another winter comes

His icy fingers creep

Into these bones of mine

These memories never sleep

And all these differences

"Master, what is wrong? You toss and turn all night. Can I help?" Opening black ringed and weary eyes, I stare at the boy who has taken Alia's place. "No. Go back to sleep." He stares, hurt by my gruff attitude. The rift has been made and it widens each day.

A cloak I borrowed

We kept our distances

Why should it follow

I must have loved you?

"Six weeks, Alia has been lost. Four I have had this boy under my care. I don't feel the same with him as I did with Alia. We rarely speak."

"Maybe that's because he doesn't want to be snapped at. You need to learn to live again, Elis."

What is the force that binds the stars?

I wore this mask to hide my scars

What is the power that pulls the tide?

Never could find a place to hide.

"Do you know my name, Master?"

"No."

"Would you like to know?" I look up at him with wary eyes.

"Tell me."

"My name's Tristis."__

What moves the earth around the sun?

What could I do but run and run and run?

Afraid of love, afraid to fail

A mast without a sail.

"How is your Master, Tristis?"

"Much better, thank you Master Windu. He's asleep right now, good thing. The sleeping habits still haven't straightened out."

"Is he friendlier?"

"Better than last week. I think he can go back to talk to the Council."

The moon's a fingernail

And slowly sinking

Out on the balcony of the Jedi Temple, I look out at the city. It's a lovely view and the city sparkles like a diamond. But I don't think of it that way. It's just after the memorial. Several people have expressed their grief. Others ask if that handsome boy is my Padawan. I didn't really answer, now that I think about it.

Another day begins

And now I'm thinking

Tristis sleeps. He doesn't know I am up, thinking of you, Alia. The bond between a Jedi and a Padawan is a close one, and not easily broken. I swear I can feel your presence. Do I? Or is it an echo?

That this indifference

Was my invention

Are you even alive? Tomorrow I will travel to the Council to see how the reconnaissance mission is going. I hope I will see you again, Alia.

When everything I did

Sought your attention

Mace Windu can only look sorry for me. Yoda tells me to forget you. "Your Padawan you must not neglect, Elis. Looks out for you, he does. Needs you he does. An important part of your life he will be."

"Master, Alia is my Padawan. You must understand that I feel she is alive."

"Hear this from Qui-Gon I did. Missing was Obi-Wan. However, alive he was. Echoes come back, they do. Echoes you hear. But _she will not come back alive, your former Padawan. A tragic loss it is, most for you. Look after this boy you will." He sighs. "May the Force be with you."_

You were my compass star

You were my measure

I got the announcement several days later. You were gone. They found a dying Jedi and he said that a female Padawan named Alia had been tortured but revealed nothing. They had asked her several questions, two of which being "How strong are the Jedi?"  and "How strong is your Master?" How can they live with themselves? Tristis is crying his eyes out for you. It turns out he is really is a good child, very sensitive. Like you, Alia.

You were a pirate's map

Of buried treasure

"I'm so very sorry Elis. The pyre will be tonight. I know how close you were to her. Master Yoda and all the others send their condolences. I know that can't help much, but we really do care."

"Thank you." Mace leaves as Tristis walks in, red eyed. "I'm sorry too, Master." I look down at him and know he understands somehow. "Thank you Padawan," I tell him. I'm sorry Alia, but I must go on. I know you understand.__

If this were all correct

The last thing I'd expect

My mind judges me. It always will. I can't help it. Neither can my Padawan. But at least he can help me through it. Do you remember how I was when I was first a Master, Alia? You said I was cranky and a killjoy. You wanted another Master. How funny now when I look back, that you once wanted a new Master and I once wanted a new Padawan. How odd. History often has a tendency to reverse itself. And you never knew about how you came to be a Jedi. It runs in the family.

The prosecution rests

It's time that I confessed

The waning firelight from the pyre shines off my face. Tristis stands at my side, wearing the clothing of Padawan and the haircut. I had to help him with the braid. He's so young and hopeful and naive. I hope he grows to be a Jedi and a noble one, like you. I commend you, Alia Brey. You were heroic all your life, and finished the same way. I was lucky to have you, and now I'm lucky to have this student. You'd love him if you knew him. He never even heard of you, and yet he mourns. Even now he is crying. He is an empath no doubt. He has felt the pain I have been going through and helped me shoulder it.

I must have loved you

I must have loved you.

I love you, Alia. I'll never forget, my Padawan. I will see you...someday. Meanwhile, I have a six year old to take care of. Be brave as always, Alia. You'll never receive this letter, neither will anyone else, but I feel better from writing it. I apologize Alia, for never telling you that I was your brother. I'm so sorry.

~Elis.


End file.
